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| Pope Francis at the Vatican at a Mass that ended a synod at which bishops argued about divorce. |
As Vatican Revisits Divorce, Many Catholics Long for Acceptance
Mark Garren does not take communion when he goes to
church. Sometimes he walks up to the priest, crosses his arms over his chest
and touches his shoulders to signal that he is seeking a blessing.
More often, mindful of his divorce years ago, Mr. Garren,
a 64-year-old Illinoisan, remains in his pew, watching with slight
embarrassment as the rest of the row moves to the front of the church.
Pamela Crawford, 46, of Virginia, is having none of that.
Twice divorced, she, too, feels judged by her church, but when she does go to
Mass, she walks up with the rest of the congregation. “If God has a problem
with me taking communion, we’ll sort it out,” she said.
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| When Andrea Webb remarried without an annulment, she was told by a priest that her status was akin to that of an adulterer. |
Facing millions of divorced Catholics around the world,
many of whom express frustration over their status in the church, the Vatican has
begun a remarkable re-examination of the church’s treatment of worshipers whose
marriages have broken apart.
Pope Francis, who plans to make his first trip to the United
States in September to attend a conference on families, has
acknowledged the concerns of divorced Catholics. He has set in motion a
high-level debate about whether and how the church could change its posture
toward them without altering a doctrine that declares marriage to be permanent and indissoluble.
The battle lines are clear: Some high-level church
officials, most notably the conference of German bishops, want the
church to relax its rules so that divorced Catholics can more fully return to
church life, particularly by receiving communion, even if they have remarried.
Traditionalists are pushing back fiercely,
arguing that the indissolubility of marriage is ordained by God and therefore
nonnegotiable.
In
October, bishops from around the world argued about divorce, among other
topics, at a synod on family issues; this October, a larger group of bishops
will meet for a second Vatican synod at which they will decide whether to
recommend changes. The decision of whether to act, then, will be up to Francis.
Watching closely are many of the Catholics
whose marriages have fallen apart. An estimated 28 percent of American Catholic
adults who have ever been married have since divorced, according to the Center
for Applied Research in the Apostolate at Georgetown University.
That rate is lower than in the general public, but still
constitutes 11 million people, the researchers said.
For many divorced Catholics, the church’s
approach raises an existential question, said Helen Alvaré, a law professor at
George Mason University: “What is my place in the church, and do I feel
welcomed?”
Ms. Alvaré, who is a former spokeswoman for the American
bishops, said the indissolubility of marriage is a Catholic essential, “a key
to the entire Roman Catholic cosmology — our understanding of the world, God,
our relationship with him and our relationship to one another.”
But, she added, questions about the place of divorced
worshipers in the church fit into a larger context of uncertainty for Catholics
who do not fully live out the church’s ideals.
“There’s a lot of divorced Catholics out
there, and have we let these sheep wander without reaching out to them?” Ms.
Alvaré asked. “Jesus wants us to look after all the sheep, no matter what.”
The church does offer a solution for some
divorced Catholics: Apply for an annulment, a declaration by the church that a
marriage was never truly valid.
Local priests make these determinations based
on church laws that allow annulments for a variety of reasons, from mental illness
to a “grave defect of discretion of
judgment concerning
the essential matrimonial rights and duties.”
In interviews with Catholics nationwide, some divorced
Catholics praised the annulment process and said they felt the church treated
them with compassion.
“They were
very welcoming, letting me know I was welcome in the church regardless of what
happened,” said Jane Himmel, 50, of Denton, Tex., who had been twice divorced
when she approached the church.
Katherine Metres, 42, a writer in Washington, D.C., said
her annulment had been straightforward. “I found it a very nice process,” she
said. ”The priests said, ’We want to help you come to terms with your
marriage.’ ” But now her fiancé is having trouble getting an annulment of
his previous marriage, and the couple is frustrated.
The
Cost of Annulment
Many Catholics said they found the annulment
process intrusive, cumbersome and costly — an annulment can cost hundreds of
dollars in some dioceses.
Only 15 percent of divorced American Catholics seek to
annul their marriages, according to the Georgetown researchers.
Last year, dioceses in Ohio and Indiana, acknowledging the cost concerns, announced that they
were eliminating fees for annulments.
On Friday, Francis told a
group of church judges in
Rome, “I would like all marriage processes to be free of charge.” And on
Saturday, speaking to a conference
on annulments, he rued how long the annulment process can take,
saying the proceedings are “often perceived by spouses as long and wearisome.”
Many Catholics hesitate because they wonder
themselves how to reconcile divorce with their own loyalty to Catholicism’s
teachings.
“The whole concept of marriage being a
sacrament that is provided by God and cannot be undone by man is pretty
fundamental, and I don’t know how the church will resolve it,” said Scott
Frost, 60, of Glendale, Calif., who stopped practicing Catholicism after
balking at the annulment process. Like many Catholics, he is hoping for a
change.
“A lot of people would like to be practicing
and aren’t,” he said. “There should be a way to resolve this.”
Beyond the issues of church doctrine and
procedure are complaints about how divorced Catholics are treated at the parish
level. Many divorced Catholics sensed isolation, saying they felt judged or
ostracized by priests and parishioners.
Women in particular expressed unhappiness at
feeling interrogated by church tribunals during the annulment process about
failed marriages, especially when abusive or adulterous husbands precipitated
the breakup.
“You’re
dealing with an abusive husband who is male, and then you have to go to a male
to get the annulment, and a bunch of males sit at a table and decide whether
your decision was correct,” said Denise Stookesberry, 58, of St. Louis. “It
certainly alienated me as a woman.”
She responded by giving up on the annulment
process rather than filling out documents that asked about her marital sex life.
She later lost her job at a Catholic high school when she remarried, and then
left Catholicism — for a time thinking that she was putting her soul in danger
by doing so.
Losing Members
Many others have followed a similar path:
When bishops survey parishes —as they
did last year at the behest of the Vatican — they reach only a
fraction of those affected, because many divorced Catholics are no longer in
the pews.
A significant number have left for Protestant
churches, where they feel more welcome. Others have abandoned institutional
religion altogether.
Often, that is not their preference.
“Everyone can say, ‘Go get another flavor of
soda if you don’t like this one,’ but I don’t want to be Methodist or
Lutheran,” said Andrea Webb, 47, of Palm Harbor, Fla., who stopped going to
church after deciding she would be able to get an annulment only if she criticized
her ex-husband in ways she did not believe were truthful.
When she remarried without an annulment, Ms.
Webb added, a priest told her that her status was akin to that of an adulterer,
so she could not receive communion. Then, she said, she was particularly
aggrieved when a priest she knew was accused of abusing minors.
“I wasn’t worthy to receive communion, and
the guy giving communion was a molester,” she said “It seems terribly unjust.”
Many parishes now have outreach programs for
the divorced, and some have liaisons to help those who are divorced get through
the annulment process.
The efforts to change the annulment process
seem to be paying off in some parishes.
“Despite the fact that going through an
annulment certainly brings up painful memories, can take a long time and can
sometimes seem unfair — I would not want the church to lower the bar or
standards for annulment,” said Leah Campos, 42, of Arlington, Va., who is
trying to annul her marriage. “I still respect the sacrament of matrimony and the
church’s desire to keep it sacred against the will of our coarsened culture.”
Still, for many, the church makes too many
demands for re-entry to church life. It is often as if there are only two
options, many Catholics said: Be dishonest or depart.
Some Catholics said they did not want to
annul their marriages because of how it might look or feel for their children —
although in the eyes of the church, an annulment has no implications for the legitimacy of children.
Others said their divorces had been so
contentious that they did not want to take part in a process in which the
church asked them to share information about their romantic or emotional lives
or sought to contact their former spouses.
“I was married — I entered into it with the
right ideas, and to say different would be a lie,” said Carol Trankle, 72, of
Rapid City, S.D., who stopped going to church 40 years ago.
“I consider myself a Catholic to this day,”
she said. “I just can’t participate.”
Related Posts:
Pope Francis Announces Historic Changes to
Catholic Marriage Rules, Makes Annulment and Remarriage Easier
Majority of American Catholics Have Left the
Church, Pew Survey Reveals 
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