Pope
Francis Declares Fornication No Longer A Sin
by Pastor
Tati
Pope
Francis is 78 years old, but his humility, compassion, and jovial demeanor, has
earned him the title of “The Coolest Pope of All Time.”
Just
when you thought he couldn’t get any cooler, the Holy Father Pope
Francis announced today at his Wednesday General Audience that, last
night, he had his first wet dream in 65 years and it was life-changing. In
fact, the wet dream was so glorious that he has used his divine authority as
Pope to declare that fornication is no longer a sin.
“What
were we even thinking?” the Patriarch of the West asked rhetorically to the
audience, all of whom were crying tears of joy, washing away all their years of
Catholic guilt. “I’ve sat in that hot wooden box for years, heard you all
confess the same sins over and over. Masturbation, fornication, adultery and
lesbian porn! Now I know what the fuss was all about!”
The
Servant of the Servants of Christ explained to the congregation that, until
last light, his first and last wet dream was at age 13, after which he promptly
decided to become a priest.
“After
that wet dream – Marylin Munroe’s back forming a Roman arch, her thick thighs
wide open like the pearly gates, her holy of holies as wet as the river of
Babylon – I was so disgusted with my subconscious that I remembered Zion, wept
in repentance, and gave my entire life in service of the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Asked what was different about this wet dream, the Vicar of Christ said “well
the woman, for one. Destra is one heaven of a woman!” The wet dream did not
occur without consequence.
The
Supreme Pontiff of The Universal Church has also made a number of landmark
changes to Catholic moral teaching. “Masturbation and fornication are no longer
sinful. Adultery is only a sin for the first seven years of marriage after
which I totally understand you wanting to experience coitus with fresh
genitalia. I will also be applying an ex post facto reprieve for persons
spending time in hell for sexual sins.
They
will all be set free and sent to heaven. These things are now virtues worthy of
heaven. I mean, it has to be a virtue. I’ve had the worst back ache for some 40
years now but after last night I feel so relieved! I think I can go for a walk
or even a jog later.” The Primate of Italy then thought for a moment and
changed his mind. “Actually, no jog. I think I found a much better way to spend
my alone time.”
Related Posts:
extracted
from starnaija.com
https://honeyforsweetnes.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/pope-francis-declares-fornication-no-longer-a-sin-september-4-2015/
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