Vatican reeling as
DNA tests show communion wafers contain 0% Christ
The Vatican is this morning facing a further crisis after
routine DNA tests revealed that the communion wafers used in Sunday mass
contain 0% of the body and blood of Christ.
The findings are sure to pile further
pressure on the ailing religious organisation, just days after their Chief
Executive resigned citing ‘personal reasons’ and ‘being a bit old’.
The news will concern billions of Catholic consumers, previously
led to believe they were consuming Christ himself each Sunday morning during
mass.
Catholic Simon Williams told us, “So what have I been eating all these years? It’s not horse again is
it?”
“It’s always had a funny taste that I
couldn’t quite place. But having been a choir boy in the catholic church I grew
up being told by priests that putting strange things in my mouth was the done
thing.”
“That said, with the amount of cash
I’m encouraged to put in the collection plate on a Sunday morning I can’t
believe they’re scrimping on the ingredients.”
“You’ll be telling me next that the
stuff they dip the wafer in isn’t actually blood.”
Catholic crisis
A spokesperson for the Vatican explained that the DNA test
results merely highlight the incompatibility of science and religion.
They told us, “Where is
your faith that the wafer is the body of Christ? Science can’t tell you
everything, and just as it can’t prove God doesn’t exist, it can’t prove the
wafer ISN’T the body of Christ.”
“Oh, it has done exactly that? Right.
Well. There’s probably something in the Bible about that. I’ll have to go
and look.”
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http://newsthump.com/2013/03/03/vatican-reeling-as-dna-tests-show-communion-wafers-contain-0-christ/
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